Phenomenal Takeaways

A new friend mentioned an event where she was going to give a talk in. Phenomenal, the talk was called. And she was going to talk about beauty. Not makeup, she said, but beauty. My interest was piqued. Being a woman in a predominantly male industry, and growing up with guy best friends, a little part of me found the thought of spending an afternoon talking with other girls about beauty rather refreshing and appealing. And so on this rainy Saturday afternoon, I went to Fully Booked to check it out. I quite loved it! I know, I know. Why would you want to talk about beauty? Because it's interesting! And, as the day went on, I realized, because we should. Here are a few things I learned and realized about beauty through this event:

Being beautiful is important to a woman. We like to be beautiful. We like to be thought of as beautiful. If you go deeper and ask why, it really boils down to value. We all want to be valued. But it is not other people's job to make us feel beautiful. Our value has to be independent of our circumstances and what others think of us. Our beauty is our own responsibility and business.

Beauty needs to be defined in a more realistic light. If we look at what media says is beautiful, it fails to consider the different body types, age, and life season of a person. It fails to consider natural body changes that occur in people as they grow older. And it increases visual appeal to a level where the other longer-lasting attributes of a person that would also make them attractive (like kindness, a ready ear, and a grateful heart) are de-valued as consolation prizes.

This media-defined beauty is damaging to the men as well. When we present it to everyone that looks are the ultimate value, then a man's ultimate criteria in finding a suitable woman becomes how she looks. And this may mean he ends up with a girl just because she's physically beautiful. While there's nothing wrong with marrying a beautiful girl (I, myself, would like to marry someone handsome), if the basis for the union is merely physical beauty, it might not last very long. This is a generalization, of course, and I know lovely couples who have very successful unions. But I personally know friends whose marriages didn't survive early trials because outside of the physical, there wasn't other connections much. I've seen this with some of my business owner friends. They've arrived financially, therefore, it follows to find a wife society would deem a catch. And in this day and age, that means a girl who looks like a model. Again, nothing wrong with marrying a mestiza with a figure. But if that's all one sees, what will compel the two of you to stay and brave the storms together? Because marriage will have its trials.

My brother knows the number of separated couples in my circle is too high for my taste. And it distresses me. Because I know these guys. They're my friends. They're geeks, good people whose hearts are true and are still longing to believe that love, indeed, conquers all, and that happily ever after actually exists. But now they've been hurt, embarrassed for even wishing. It distresses me because I also want to believe in true love and love that lasts, and the statistics are bothering me.

To redefine beauty, present an alternative. It's not very effective or productive to just talk about beauty as the media presents it, and how one thinks it should be. The best way to redefine beauty is to really embody how one thinks beauty should be, and present and carry it everyday. I think true beauty is being gentle and kind and pleasant. It is to not complain, to be grateful, and to see the world in a way that is good and hopeful. It is to listen attentively, to forgive quickly and not hold records of wrong. It is to encourage, to be of good cheer, and to be an anchor. Given this definition of beauty, I'm probably not that beautiful yet. But this is my challenge to myself: to embody what I believe true beauty to be. And to be beautiful. 

How would you define beauty?