The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life,and have it to the full. [John 10:10]
I have heard this verse time and time again. But I haven't felt the true impact of this until just recently. I recently met up with some of my friends who were turning 30 this year, and they were all so excited about ticking off things on their list before their birthday. When asked what I did during my thirtieth birthday, my answer was, "I was depressed. I had just broken up with my first boyfriend then." And when I was thirty-one? "... Nothing." I wasn't quite as depressed anymore, but I wasn't exactly in a celebrating mood. Actually, I don't even remember what I did on my thirty-first birthday. My thirty-second birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks. What was my plan? "... Nothing." I was going to say I wasn't in a celebrating mood again, but I caught myself. I wasn't like this before thirty.
When I was younger, my siblings always said that I figuratively jumped off the cliff without thinking. I kept starting new projects. They weren't successful half of the time, but that never stopped me. My father always told me to stand up again after a failure. Things excited me. I believed in dreams and true love. But where is that girl now? I find myself scoffing at true love half the time. Ask me about my dreams. I can't give you a heartfelt answer.
What had happened to me? Where was the excitement? Where was the wonder and awe? I felt like they had been stolen from me. I felt that my dreams had been killed. And the worst part of it? I allowed that to happen.
NO! I refuse to leave myself on this path. I may no longer be thirty. But I'm going to take back my life. I had allowed the Thief to steal my joy. But it is time to reclaim what was lost.
I talked to another friend over breakfast today. She's also turning thirty-two. I asked her what she did on her thirtieth birthday. Same. She was depressed. In her case, her decade-long then-boyfriend had gotten himself married behind her back. And when she was thirty-one? Still depressed.
I told her what I wanted to do this year, how I wanted to take back my life. She said she wanted to do the same. So I asked her to join me in this endeavor. It was an exciting conversation over pancakes on what aspects we wanted to fix and how long we were planning to execute this. We talked about how the self was a lousy person to do this for. We talked about what we needed to learn. My plan focused on regaining wonder. Hers was more on loving herself again.
So, we'll be meeting in a week or two, maybe over Saturday breakfast again. It's certainly easier (and more fun) to execute a plan with accountability partners (and friends). If you'd like to join us, send me a message.
Now, on to the first item of the Plan to Take Back My Life: Bringing back my smile.
