Needs to Address

I had been feeling a little low recently. And I asked my brother to sit down with me and help me determine the path I could take from here. And I was talking about what opportunities were available to me when he stopped me and said, "Not opportunities. Tell me the needs that you see that you'd like to and think you'd be able to address." I'd like to share with you what my answers were.

1. The Lack of an Intentional Role Model. Why is it that when we talk of books or comics or games that are Bible or Christianity based, people find most of them boring. I think if we are to teach the youth, one of the most effective ways of doing it is by giving them a role model they look up to who is what we want them to aspire to be.

2. The Increase in the Lack of Meaningful Interactions. The rise of social media is also giving rise to loneliness, studies say. I think we shouldn't forget that we still need to physically interact with people as most of our language actually comes from nonverbal experiential communication.

3. The Absence of Emotional Education. We teach skills and knowledge. We teach people what to do with their money. But why don't we teach people how to handle emotions. What must a guy do when a girl cries in front of him? How does one break up properly? What should I do when I'm heartbroken and I don't know what to do with myself? Relationships are part of everyday life and breakups have been hurting us for generations. Why aren't we taught how to be superheroes and princesses when that's what our literature wants us to aspire to be?

Those were my answers. What about you? What needs do you see that you'd like to address?

Women's Hearts

Tita Pinky, an elderly lady in our organization, asked if we could bring her to the hospital. Her husband just had a quadruple bypass. I thought it was a bit of a hassle. My sister volunteered me without my having much of a say in it. Grudgingly, I told my sister I'd go back and pick the elderly lady back at our house. When she came aboard, she was very grateful. She said she had come to our house that day hoping to find my mom and help her out with things to try to get her mind off of her husband. She was worried about him. But she really wanted to go to the hospital to check up on him. It's just that none of her children were available that day. She was telling me how miserable she felt, and how she was trying to fight it. I felt bad about being impatient with the elderly lady. What's a ride to the hospital? My people were very capable. They can survive a morning without me. So I told her I'd stay with her until we got to the hospital. I felt bad because I also realized how impatient I was with my own mother, and she didn't deserve this from her children. She deserved honor. And I don't want her to feel miserable and alone.

We got to the hospital after more than an hour. Traffic was bad and we got lost. So, I take her up to her husband's room. And when we entered, he wasn't happy to see her. Tita Pinky told me, "Oh, he's angry." I asked if she was going to be okay and if she had a way to get home. She said she would be fine. So off I went, but I felt even worse than that morning. I felt so sad for this elderly woman, who wanted so much to see her husband because she was worried about him. And him glaring at her for coming. He's not the only husband I've seen who has that cruel streak towards their wives. Most husbands that I meet are not violent or anything. But there still is that cruelty, in the way they unappreciate, put down, refuse to give attention, or criticize their wives.

If I get married, will my husband be cruel to me, too? Are all husbands like that?

Operation: Take Back

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life,and have it to the full. [John 10:10]

I have heard this verse time and time again. But I haven't felt the true impact of this until just recently. I recently met up with some of my friends who were turning 30 this year, and they were all so excited about ticking off things on their list before their birthday. When asked what I did during my thirtieth birthday, my answer was, "I was depressed. I had just broken up with my first boyfriend then." And when I was thirty-one? "... Nothing." I wasn't quite as depressed anymore, but I wasn't exactly in a celebrating mood. Actually, I don't even remember what I did on my thirty-first birthday. My thirty-second birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks. What was my plan? "... Nothing." I was going to say I wasn't in a celebrating mood again, but I caught myself. I wasn't like this before thirty.

When I was younger, my siblings always said that I figuratively jumped off the cliff without thinking. I kept starting new projects. They weren't successful half of the time, but that never stopped me. My father always told me to stand up again after a failure. Things excited me. I believed in dreams and true love. But where is that girl now? I find myself scoffing at true love half the time. Ask me about my dreams. I can't give you a heartfelt answer.

What had happened to me? Where was the excitement? Where was the wonder and awe? I felt like they had been stolen from me. I felt that my dreams had been killed. And the worst part of it? I allowed that to happen.

NO! I refuse to leave myself on this path. I may no longer be thirty. But I'm going to take back my life. I had allowed the Thief to steal my joy. But it is time to reclaim what was lost. 

I talked to another friend over breakfast today. She's also turning thirty-two. I asked her what she did on her thirtieth birthday. Same. She was depressed. In her case, her decade-long then-boyfriend had gotten himself married behind her back. And when she was thirty-one? Still depressed. 

I told her what I wanted to do this year, how I wanted to take back my life. She said she wanted to do the same. So I asked her to join me in this endeavor. It was an exciting conversation over pancakes on what aspects we wanted to fix and how long we were planning to execute this. We talked about how the self was a lousy person to do this for. We talked about what we needed to learn. My plan focused on regaining wonder. Hers was more on loving herself again.

So, we'll be meeting in a week or two, maybe over Saturday breakfast again. It's certainly easier (and more fun) to execute a plan with accountability partners (and friends). If you'd like to join us, send me a message.

Now, on to the first item of the Plan to Take Back My Life: Bringing back my smile.

The Ifrit

One of my greatest enemy is a fire demon, the red knight of the Fallen One. He is know by many names: Orge, Thumos, Lyssa. But I know him as Rage. He bears a twisted sneering face. He consumes and burns everything around him like an unstoppable holocaust. And for the most part of my existence, he has been taking residence in my heart. Recently, he has been winning. But it is time to climb out of the pit, pick up my Sword once more and battle this demon.

Climbing out of the Pit

For the past six months, I had been miserable because of a falling out with one of my closest friends. But just recently, my brother came to me and told me in all seriousness, "You should smile more. You're default face isn't a smiling one anymore." And that evening, I attended a Leadership seminar in church. During worship, we sang "Lord of All."

I want to live for You
Be glorified forever
My life will declare
That You alone are Lord

Everything of me
Use it for Your glory
That everyone will see, will hear, will know
That You are Lord of All.

And that song struck me. I thought I had pledged my allegiance to my King. Then why am I being controlled by my circumstances and my rage? When people look at me, they wouldn't think I serve the King. I haven't been doing my part as a Warrior who had pledged her life to her Liege. I hadn't been fighting my demons.

The Raven

We are the ravens: the mysterious, the adored, the companion of poets. We are the revered, the feared, the bringer of omens. We sit there, high on our perch. Quietly contemplating our beauty. Comparing the creatures that pass beneath us. Watching. Judging. Proud.

Yet beneath that glamour, we are nothing more than scavengers. We are opportunists. Not willing or capable to acquire our daily bread on our own. We wait. We watch. Then we eat the scraps. We feed on the garbage this world offers us, not realizing that what we eat is waste. Then again, maybe we do realize that. But we eat it anyway.

Sad, don't you think? That all our beauty, all our greatness, are nothing but a glamour. And after the spell has been stripped away, we are exposed as the filthy creatures that we are. This realization has caused me to pause. I cannot fight my own nature. What was it that I had to do with this thought? I learned. I became wiser. But to what end? This revelation has caused me to despair. And I wandered. And I sought. And I cried out into the night. But the cold merely swallowed my voice. The darkness just swallowed me whole.

Then I saw the King.

Romance and the Objectification of Men

I read a book recently that talked about sexual objectification. The writer said that, in our contemporary culture, there are two wrong statements that many of us believe in. These were that (1) all sexual desire is good, and (2) all sexual desire is evil.

In our present culture, the church, particularly the Catholic Church in our case, seems to imply that sexual desire is evil. Some would even go as far as to say that sexual relations should not be enjoyed, and should only be done for the purpose of reproduction. But in contrast to that, the rest of the world seems to think that there's nothing wrong with it, that it, in fact, should be done because it feels good. Because it's a natural thing.

Realistically speaking, I don't think even the devout Catholic couples would go out of their way to kill the pleasure in the act. But at the same time, I think sex does hold a sacredness, a spirituality in the joining, which is why I think it shouldn't be treated casually, either. The writer of the book goes on to say that the problem comes from, not the sexual desire per se, but the objectification of the other person to fulfill a desire in one.

Now, this discussion of lust and objectification usually talks about porn and is usually addressed to men. But the writer mentioned that, if it was porn for men (and some women), it's romance novels for women.

I stopped. I loved romance novels. A woman's first reaction would be, of course not! How could you group porn and romance novels in one? We don't stare lustily at men parts. What we're reading is just a story. But after you calm down and think about it, the writer has a point.

When we read romances, sometimes (or many times) we get to a point where the story is no longer the main thing we're after. We're in it to feel good. That's why formula romances still work. Because the innovation in the story no longer matters. What matters is that there's a hunky handsome man on a white horse who will save us and whisk us away to his castle to live happily ever after. Just like porn, it fulfills a desire in our hearts. But for us, women, that desire is to be taken care of physically, emotionally and financially. Now, there's nothing wrong with that desire. What's wrong is when we allow our minds to be fixated on the idea of the knight in shining armor, that when we look at a man, we don't actually look at the man, but at a collection of attributes. We look at them and don't see "John," we see "Vice President of This-and-this Company, fair complexion, lives in This-and-this exclusive subdivision."

I'm guilty of this. And I didn't even realize it until one time recently, I met an old business acquaintance. I told my mother I met him. And mom asked, "Is he cute?" I didn't remember. Because I had labeled him by the name of his company. And when I looked at him, it was his company logo that flashes in my mind. Objectifying a man. Sorry. Now I feel awful.

It's not just romance readers. A friend of mine had asked me what kind of guy I liked. And I made a blog entry of the attributes I was looking for in a man. I felt uneasy after writing it, though. Like something about the list didn't quite add up to the actual. I thought maybe it was just because I've always thrown the list out of the window anyway. But then now, I realize, it was because if I looked for the attributes first, I'll never have a real relationship with a person. They'll never get past the checklist.

Which brought me to the thought that maybe the reason why so many girls are single nowadays is because of this. We objectify men. We see them as a collection of attributes, thinking ourselves merely practical for thinking so, but never really seeing them. I seem to have come to this disturbing conclusion that we, women, may be worse than our porn-loving male counterparts when it comes to objectification. Gasp!

Anyway, the above is merely the thoughts of a woman, and the thinking need not be mutual. But it's something I give you to think about this week and shake the mindset a little.

I'm not about to suddenly stop reading love stories. But it is good to stop and reflect where what you do takes you. Words are, after all, powerful things that have the ability to change minds, and thus, worlds. But we must always be alert to see how they're changing our worlds. I still believe that Romance will change the world, and more than ever now, I think, some worlds need changing.

Have a great week!

Warrior of Love

When I was younger, my favorite anime was Sailor Moon. I loved it almost to the point of obsession. Ai no Senshi. Warrior of love. So simple a concept but so appealing to a little girl. Then I grew up. I pursued my dreams of love and creation. But the world isn't as kind as I thought, not as lovely as my dreams. The world was a broken one. And I learned, so was I.

I got lost. What was my purpose? What was I supposed to be doing? I had power and achieved success. But I was empty. And the cracks on my shell was starting to reveal the hollowness I felt. I didn't want people to see it. Especially not the people who were important to me, who looked up to me.

So I called out to God. And He found me. He saved me and gave me a new heart. And I pledged my allegiance to Him. It was then I realized the answer to my question of purpose was so simple: Ai no Senshi. It didn't matter much what I wanted to do, but how and why I went about achieving it. I follow my King. Everything I do is for His Glory. And what does He want me to do? Love. Love God and love others. So simple a concept yet quite difficult to actually do.

Almost everyone wants to fight for love. But what does it really take to be a Warrior of Love? What sacrifice does it really entail to love a person? This blog aims to explore the human heart and talk about the Warrior of Love in all of us. It aims to talk about the very real battles we all go through in this broken world, our triumphs and innermost longings, and the God King who loved us to the point of death.